Understanding Confidence

Understanding Confidence and Building Self-Confidence 

What is confidence? 

Confidence is the sense of trust we have in our ability to cope, learn, adapt, and respond to situations. 

Confidence is often misunderstood as feeling certain, outgoing, or never doubting yourself. In reality, confidence is usually built through experience rather than appearing naturally. 

People may feel confident in some areas of life and uncertain in others. 

Confidence can also change over time depending on circumstances, wellbeing, stress levels, and recent experiences. 

 

Understanding confidence 

Confidence is influenced by how we think, what we expect from ourselves, and the experiences we have. 

Many people assume confidence comes first. 

Often the pattern looks more like: 

Small action → Experience → Learning → Increased confidence 

Waiting until you feel completely confident before doing something can sometimes keep confidence feeling out of reach. 

 

What can affect confidence? 

There is rarely one single reason. 

Past experiences 

Confidence can be influenced by: 

• criticism or negative feedback 

• setbacks or disappointment 

• difficult social experiences 

• feeling excluded 

• previous mistakes 

These experiences can shape expectations about future situations. 

Self-expectations 

Sometimes confidence reduces because standards become difficult to reach. 

Examples: 

• expecting perfection 

• comparing yourself to others 

• needing certainty before acting 

• focusing more on mistakes than progress 

Life changes 

Confidence often changes during periods of transition. 

Examples include: 

• starting a new role 

• returning after time away 

• changes in relationships 

• health changes 

• taking on unfamiliar responsibilities 

 

How confidence difficulties can affect wellbeing 

Confidence often affects emotions, thoughts, and behaviour together. 

Emotional experiences 

You may notice: 

• nervousness 

• self-doubt 

• frustration 

• disappointment 

• embarrassment 

Thinking patterns 

People sometimes notice thoughts such as: 

• “I’m not good enough.” 

• “Everyone else finds this easier.” 

• “I’ll probably get it wrong.” 

• “I should already know how to do this.” 

Behaviour changes 

Confidence concerns can sometimes lead to: 

• avoiding opportunities 

• overpreparing 

• seeking reassurance 

• staying within familiar routines 

• postponing decisions 

These responses often reduce discomfort in the short term but can sometimes reduce opportunities to build confidence. 

 

Understanding the confidence cycle 

Confidence can become self-reinforcing. 

Uncertainty → Self-doubt → Avoidance → Missed experience → Less confidence 

Example: 

Opportunity appears 
↓ 
“What if I’m not ready?” 
↓ 
Decide not to try 
↓ 
No opportunity to learn 
↓ 
Confidence stays low 

Confidence often develops through doing, not waiting. 

 

Practical ways to build confidence 

1. Start before you feel fully ready 

Ask: 

“What would feel manageable rather than comfortable?” 

Choose a small action: 

• contribute one idea, 

• ask one question, 

• try something briefly, 

• take one step. 

Confidence often follows action. 

 

2. Notice how you speak to yourself 

Reflect: 

• Would I expect this from someone else? 

• Am I setting a fair standard? 

Try moving from: 

“I have to do this perfectly.” 

to: 

“I’m allowed to learn.” 

 

3. Keep evidence of progress 

Confidence often overlooks improvement. 

Consider noticing: 

• what went well, 

• what you completed, 

• what you handled, 

• what you learned. 

Progress builds through repeated experiences. 

 

4. Compare less, observe more 

Comparison often ignores context. 

Instead ask: 

• What matters to me? 

• What skills am I building? 

• What have I improved already? 

 

5. Build confidence through repetition 

Confidence rarely appears from one experience. 

Try: 

• repeating small challenges, 

• allowing practice, 

• expecting gradual improvement. 

Consistency often matters more than intensity. 

 

Reflection Exercise 

Take a moment to consider: 

Where do I already show confidence? 
_________________ 

What situations make me doubt myself? 
_________________ 

What would one small step look like? 
_________________ 

What would I say to someone I cared about? 
_________________ 

 

When to seek additional support 

Consider reaching out for support if low confidence: 

• is affecting opportunities, 

• is leading to avoidance, 

• impacts relationships, 

• contributes to anxiety or low mood, 

• feels difficult to change alone. 

Support may include wellbeing services, coaching approaches, talking therapies, or professional support. 

 

A final thought 

Confidence is not about removing uncertainty. 

Often, confidence grows from discovering that you can handle situations even when you do not feel completely certain.  

This page provides general wellbeing information and is not a substitute for professional assessment, diagnosis, or treatment.